


Sleeping Smeghead

by FleaBee



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Alternate Universe, Episode: s06e05 Rimmerworld, Living!Rimmer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-24 09:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8368030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleaBee/pseuds/FleaBee
Summary: Lister didn't know if he'd ever see Rimmer alive again as the escape pod disappeared through the timehole. There was a six hundred year time delay that Rimmer wasn't aware of. He wasn't ready to be the last human.The tale of Sleeping Beauty with a Red Dwarf twist.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by VStarTraveler

"I can't believe that smegheaded coward would actually abandon us like that. What was he thinking?" Lister complained.

The small group had just returned to Starbug, minus one member of the group. They'd almost died when they were ambushed by a lone simulant and a quake. Rimmer, the slimy smegheaded cowardly goit, had been right behind the simulant and instead of hitting it with the boozokoid that was in his hands, he'd snuck past the simulant and run to an escape pod. Lister had watched in disbelief as his friend tripped through the doorway causing a racket that had distracted the simulant from the rest of the group, allowing them enough time to escape to Starbug.

"When we catch up to him, I'm going to wring his neck," Lister ranted.

"I say we leave him before he can catch up," Cat suggested. Cat was always suggesting to leave Rimmer behind; however, Lister knew that Cat would sort of miss Rimmer since he was the one who fed Cat the most often and told him the location of space weevil infestations.

"That is going to take a while, Mr. Lister, sir," Kryten told him. "I've connected with the escape pod and it doesn't have any manual controls. It is entirely automatic. It's designed to fly to the closest planet with a survivable atmosphere."

"So?" Lister asked.

"The closest planet is three years away for the escape pod. We are flying slower than the escape pod, it will take us even longer to reach Mr. Rimmer," Kryten replied.

"More than three years without flared nostrils? Can't we just leave him forever?" Cat asked with a huge grin.

Lister grinned. "It serves that smeghead right for abandoning us like that. He's going to be a mess after being alone for so long." Lister then turned to the cat. "As much as I would love to leave that smeghead behind at the moment, we can't abandon him even though he abandoned us first. Connect us through; I want to talk to him."

"We are connected through, Mr. Lister, sir," Kryten replied.

Kryten tapped away at the keyboard bringing the escape pod camera into view for Lister and Cat to see.

"Where is he?" Lister asked. "Rimmer man, you can't hide from us. We know you're in the pod. What a coward, not even talking to us and hiding on the edge of the screen."

"Oh dear," Kryten started typing away on the screen and tapping it.

Lister turned and looked at Kryten. That was his worry mode voice and he also had his worry mode expression covering his face.

"Kryten, what is wrong?" Lister asked.

Kryten did the high pitched squeak that told he was lying. "Nothing is wrong, Mr. Lister, sir."

"Kryten," Lister demanded again so Kryten knew that he wasn't joking and that he was going to get an answer.

"You're not going to like it, Mr. Lister, sir, and I promised I wouldn't tell anyone," Kryten replied. "Considering the circumstances at the moment, I can't avoid telling you. Oh, Mr. Rimmer is going to hate me when we find him."

"Tell me what?" Lister asked.

"Mr. Rimmer has had a stroke and is currently unconscious," Kryten replied looking sheepish. "I told him he needed to go on bed rest and avoid stressful situations and he goes and gets himself trapped in an escape pod on his own."

"Is he going to be alright?" Lister asked with concern. "He doesn't have any medical treatment at the moment."

"Are you saying that flared nostrils could die?" Cat asked, a grin plastered on his face.

"Mr. Rimmer will be fine; he's already starting to recover. The escape pod's medi-computer is treating him at the moment. It's more sophisticated than what we have on Starbug."

"Rimmer was on the verge of a stroke, you told him to avoid stressful situations and then you suggest that he comes with us when we go to explore the derelict when he wanted to stay behind!" Lister said in disbelief. "I'm surprised he didn't have a stroke as soon as we stepped foot onto the ship! Kryten, you should have allowed him to stay behind and not convinced him to come.  If I had known how close he was to a stroke, I wouldn't have allowed him to come."

"Wait! Some new data is arriving. The escape pod has found a closer place with suitable atmosphere. Only six days away!" Kryten exclaimed.

"That's excellent news," Lister sighed in relief.

"Oh dear," Kryten said again. "The planet is through a time hole. It may only be six days to the planet but, because of the time difference, by the time we get to the planet, six hundred years will have passed for Mr. Rimmer."

"He's going to be dead before we catch up with him." Lister paled. "I can't live without Rimmer; he's my only friend. He's like a brother to me."

"What about me?" Kryten asked, upset Mr. Lister that didn't consider him a friend.

"You're my friend," Lister assured the droid. "But you're also like a parent to me." Lister didn't add that it was because he wasn't actually alive. The cat was alive but was not human so it also wasn't the same.

"Mr. Rimmer may not be dead when we get to the planet. The escape pod was designed for emergencies, it has a medi-com as you already know, enough food supplies to last for months, terraforming gear and a stasis pod. It's also supplied with books and movies to keep the survivor entertained."

Kryten started tapping away at the computer trying. "Oh blast my nut nipples, I didn't get a message to Mr. Rimmer's pod before we lost the connection."

"Does that mean he's going to be dead?" Lister asked. "What happens if he assumes we just abandoned him and doesn't go into stasis?"

Lister turned to Cat. "Don't you say a thing, I know you don't like Rimmer."

 

Eight days later they finally arrived on the planet. They stepped out of Starbug onto the lush green planet teeming with life forms.

"Is this really the planet Rimmer landed on?" Lister asked. "It's nicer than I thought it would be."

Lister and Cat watched as a chickens scratched around their feet. There seemed to be so many chickens. Other animals such as sheep, goats, cattle, pheasants, deer and fish were also seen nearby. There appeared to be other birdlife and bugs also around.

"Mr. Rimmer must have terraformed the planet with what was in the pod. It seems without natural predators that animals have been able to thrive."

"Cat, leave the chickens alone," Lister scolded. "We're here to find Rimmer."

"But I want to eat the little chickies," Cat complained, holding up a baby chick. None of the animals seemed to be scared of the people around them.

"If Rimmer has terraformed the planet, that means he must have survived his stroke," Lister said with a sigh.

"Yes, sir," Kryten replied.

"So where is he?" Lister asked.

"I'm detecting the beacon from this direction, sir," Kryten told him.

Lister followed behind, hoping that Rimmer had been smart enough to put himself into stasis. Cat was catching baby chickies and telling them how he was going to eat them. "I'm going to fry you and roast you and stir-fry you and ..."

"Cat, can you smell Rimmer at all?" Lister asked.

"I don't smell any of him, it's so nice. His smell is everywhere in the ship," Cat complained. "Just like your smell is everywhere. I can't escape no matter where I go."

Lister kept following after Kryten. It was eerie seeing farm animals in such a forest-like area. The stream that was running nearby was so peaceful to listen to. This would make a lovely planet to settle on if they chose to do so. It was plentiful in food, had a nice atmosphere and was in a safe section of space away from GELFs and simulants. It was impossible that they would ever find the Earth and finding the Red Dwarf was very slim. The only thing that would make living here perfect was if Rimmer was with him. He didn't want to lose his best mate and be the last human alive.

"Sirs, we have found the pod that Mr. Rimmer escaped in," Kryten told him excitedly. He knew that finding Mr. Rimmer would keep his favourite human happy. He'd been too mopey in the last few days and it hurt Kryten to see Mr. Lister like that.

"Well, where is it?" Lister asked, looking around, not seeing any sign of the life pod in which Rimmer was supposed to have crash landed.

"It's right through that thicket of trees and vines and shrubs and whatever else is in there.

Lister looked at the thick trees. "It's grown over the pod." Lister asked.

"Yes, sir," Kryten replied.

"We have to go in there?" Lister confirmed. He didn't like the look of the trees. They were old thick and very thorny. It reminded Lister all too much of some of the horror movies he'd watched. Looking around, none of the animals even came near this area. The chickens that the cat had caught were trying to get away.

"Yes, sir," Kryten once again answered.

"I don't smell flared nostrils that way," Cat responded. "We looked, he wasn't here, let's go back to Starbug. I'm having chicken tonight."

"How are we going to get through there?" Lister asked. It was apparent that they wouldn't just be able to walk through. It was simply too thick, and they'd get lost before they found the pod.

"I suggest the laser from Starbug. We should fly it to this clearing and blast our way through," Kryten told him.

They weren't very strong lasers. Lister wasn't even sure if they should be called lasers. They were drilling gear from when Red Dwarf had still been in operation.

 

The small group walked back to Starbug and then flew the short distance. Cat's chickens had escaped in the ship when they'd entered the cockpit. Lister was hoping that they wouldn't run off and die in the air vents. The last thing they needed was dead animal smell everywhere. It was bad enough when Lister forgot about one of his meals and found it weeks later stinking up the whole ship. Food didn't go to waste like that anymore. With limited food supply, nothing went to waste and everything was recycled, even the waste.

"Let's go and hope we don't kill Rimmer!" Lister exclaimed.

Cat grinned as they slowly hacked their way through the trees with Starbugs primitive gear. Finally, the stasis pod could be seen.

Through the cleared trees Lister walked to the pod. It was only thirty meters they had to walk but felt much further. Everything was dark and creepy and a little bit warm and singed from the laser. They'd been lucky that they hadn't set the thicket of trees on fire. That was the last thing they needed, to never know if they'd killed Rimmer or not by burning him to death. That would've torn Lister up and Kryten, too.

Lister opened the escape pod, unsure of what they would find but hoping that Rimmer was in the stasis pod and that it was working correctly. If it wasn't, they would never find Rimmer's body on this planet. It probably would've decomposed over the six hundred or so years that had passed.

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the blinking light indicating the pod was active. Looking around everything else he could see had rusted over. Dust, leaves and insects were everywhere within the escape pod. Being on a planet with an atmosphere, it had not lasted the test of time, unlike the derelicts they came across in space. With no atmosphere, the only thing that seemed to have actually survived was the stasis pod and several sealed containers.

Lister ran over to the glass view window and smiled, Rimmer was in the stasis pod. He looked different than the last time Lister had seen him. Rimmer's hair was long and looked to be around his shoulders. Lister had never seen him with long hair before since he'd always kept his hair short. He assumed that it may be even longer if it was straight since his hair was in ringlets. His clothing the same and neat as always, but faded to show that time has passed and he'd been in the sun a lot during however long it had been. The left side of his face seemed to have a slight droop to it.

"Mr. Lister, sir," Krytens voice squeaked in that high octave he managed to do when he had news that he didn't want to upset Lister about. "Mr. Rimmer's vitals were, oh it's horrible. He died just before the stasis pod activated. I do however have some good news. There are two healthy life signs from the pod."

"He cannot be dead!" Lister insisted. "What other life signs?"

Lister didn't wait for an answer and opened the pod. Inside the pod was Rimmer with two babies, one on each side of him, tucked under his arms. As soon as the pod was active, they started screaming. Rimmer, however, remained still.

Cat covered his ears and walked out, not being able to stand the noise.

"He's not breathing," Lister said, his focus back on Rimmer.

He wanted to ask about the two babies. He wanted to know how long Rimmer had been on his own. Lister leant down and put his ear to Rimmer's chest. He didn't have a heartbeat either.

"He's still warm, Mr. Lister, sir, there is still a chance he will make it if we get him to Starbug in time," Kryten told him.

"He need's CPR," Lister told him.

"I'll just get my vacuum attachment, sir, in reverse; I can push the air back into his lungs," Kryten said to him.

Lister didn't think that would help Rimmer at all. If anything, it would cause his lungs to blow up and push air into other organs. He took a deep breath.

Rimmer had forced him to learn CPR when he first joined the Red Dwarf and started working on Z shift. Rimmer wanted to be certain that Lister could save his life if anything were to ever happen. After they'd both woke up from stasis, Rimmer had insisted that they both relearn CPR and do refresher courses every so often. At the time, Lister had thought it had been a waste of time and something to just annoy him. Now he was glad that Rimmer had insisted he learn.

Lister took a deep breath, pinched Rimmer's nose and pushed air into his lungs. He needed to keep air circulating in Rimmer's body and get his heart going again, pumping blood around his body. He didn't even hear the babies that were still screaming. The whole world around him just became himself and Rimmer. He didn't hear Kryten complaining and panicking in the background or Cat come back in telling him how disgusting it was that he was 'kissing Rimmer.'

The world only came back to Lister when Rimmer started breathing again on his own. He sighed in relief, Rimmer was alive, though not in the clear yet especially since he wasn't conscious. They would find out what damage had been done once they returned to Starbug. He wasn't sure if he should carry the two babies or Rimmer.

"I'll take Mr. Rimmer," Kryten told Lister. "My arms aren't designed for carrying something as delicate as tiny humans."

Lister picked Rimmer up for several moments to put him into Kryten's arms. He wasn't really designed to pick people up delicately.

Cat wrinkled up his nose. "They smell like you and flared nostrils."

"The babies are Jim and Bexley from the future echo's," Lister said in surprise. "How did Rimmer get them?"

"Did you sleep with him?" Cat asked.

"What? No!" Lister replied in shock. "Rimmer would never let me touch him, even when I was desperate. Besides, if we had slept together, we still couldn't have children together. He's not a woman."

"Are you sure?" Cat asked. "Sometimes he acts like a woman: the needy, clingy type, not the sexy type. Didn't he have kittens once before?"

Lister didn't reply. That was a result of a wacky universe and with different rules and the babies hadn't survived. Lister carried the delicate children, afraid that he would drop them. He'd never held a baby before, let alone two, both of whom were screaming and squirming.

 

Lister sighed with relief when Rimmer was brought aboard the ship and connected to all the monitoring equipment. He had very mild brain damage and slight paralysis down his left side, but he would live and he'd hopefully learn to cope with the changes. The brain damage probably wouldn't even be noticed considering how Rimmer's mind worked in the first place. Lister shuddered as he remembered their time stuck in Better Than Life and the PSI moon. Knowing Rimmer, this would make his personality worse.

 

Lister sat beside Rimmer's bed while holding the twins. Kryten was currently going through the inventory of the escape pod and Starbug to find something they could eat. He had his sons. Somehow Rimmer had given him his sons.

"Lister, you found me," he heard Rimmer murmur. The other man started sobbing. "I thought you'd left me because I abandoned you. I didn't mean to."

"We didn't abandon you. You went through a time hole and there was a big time delay between you going through and us coming through. Can you tell me what happened? I need to understand why you ran and where these two came from. For me that was last week. I know it's been a lot longer for you."

"It's a long story," Rimmer told him.

"Isn't that the only type you know?" Lister asked

Rimmer laughed which surprised Lister since he wasn't expecting it. Rimmer didn't laugh very often. Or at least not happy sounding laughs.


	2. Two

Rimmer recognised the signs immediately. He was having a stroke. He'd been warned earlier that morning he was on the verge of having one. He'd witnessed his father have three of the four strokes he'd apparently caused. He could not be any help to Lister with the simulant that was currently threatening them if he was dead. He would not be able to run from the simulant in his current situation.

He'd noticed the stocked escape pod earlier when they'd first started searching for supplies. He needed to make it to the pod before his left side went completely numb.

His whole left side of his body was tingly, his head was pounding and he could no longer see out of his right eye. He winced as he heard Lister telling him what he should do to the simulant. He couldn't sacrifice himself without an escape plan. As soon as he was at the escape pod he was going to make sure he alerted the simulant to his presence so Lister and the other two could escape. They did have the matter paddle with them. They'd be able to travel back to Starbug with a moment's distraction.

His plans for a distraction went out the window when he tripped through the escape pod door. He fell to the floor, unconscious before he could even activate the pod.

 

Rimmer was unsure if it had been hours or days when he woke up. He found that the escape pod had been activated despite the fact he never activated it. The medi-com in the escape pod was also activated and had treated him when he was unconscious.

The escape pod computer confirmed that he'd had a stroke as he'd suspected. The stroke had left a slight droop to his left side of his face. His left leg was also mildly affected. Considering his father had been left unable to walk after his first stroke and a drooling vegetable after his sixth stroke, Rimmer knew that he was lucky, this time anyway.

He sat at the console trying to find the communication link. It was quickly activated but was unable to get into contact with Starbug. He was either outside of radio range or the others hadn't made it. He tried not to think about that. He could not survive on his own and he could not survive without Lister. Somehow, over the years, Lister had managed to become the most important person to him in his life. He didn't want to be alone and was fond of the other man. Sensing his distress, the medi-com sedated him.

 

The next time Rimmer woke up he was on a barren planet and still alone. He was still unable to get through to Starbug. He had convinced himself that Lister was still alive and was ignoring him, teaching him a lesson for abandoning them. He was not going to sit down bored. He was going to make the most of the vacation. When was the last time he got to spend any time alone?

He activated the terraforming gear included in the pod. Seven days later he was no longer on a barren planet but a lush green paradise. It seemed someone had taken the Bible literally when they invented the planet terraforming gear. On the other hand the person who designed the equipment had probably wanted to play God themself.

"Lister," Rimmer said into the radio. "I'm sorry for not telling you how ill I am. I should have told you I was close to having a stroke or a heart attack instead of hiding like the coward that I am. I didn't want you to know how weak I am."

Still, he had no reply from Lister. The next lot of gear he'd found in the pod was the cloning gear. It already had a list of genetic codes for different animals. He set to work creating cows, chickens, sheep, horses, birds and fish.

The next morning he came outside to find all the fish dead. He'd produced salt water fish and put them into a freshwater lake. He'd at least be able to eat the fish. Well, not all of it, he didn't have enough storage in the pod, he'd be able to eat some, store as much as he could and take the rest away from his camp site. The last thing he needed was to destroy his camp spot with smelly dead fish or contaminate his drinking supply.

 

A month he'd been on the planet and still no sign of Lister. He'd begun reading the cloning book in more detail. He didn't have to be alone forever if Lister never came back for him or if he'd been killed by the simulant. He had some of Lister's hair stuck on the inside of his jacket. The question was did he clone himself, Lister or create someone new? Creating someone new was harder than cloning. Cloning a person was as easy as cloning an animal, though it was illegal on most of the planets and moons in the Milky Way. That was not an issue when you were three million years in deep space and one of two known human survivors who were both males. They were never going to be able to have children together to continue the human race without any type of assistance.

Rimmer sat up and skimmed through the book. Could he combine his and Listers DNA to make a child? Should he? Holly once said that it was a good thing that he and Lister were both the same gender since any child they would produce would be a neurotic space bum.

He grinned. It was possible. The book was describing how to combine the DNA of two different animals to get the desired effects or let the outcome decide itself by allowing the clone to develop at the same rate that it would have developed if the animal had been conceived naturally.

Plucking a hair from his head and taking the hair he'd saved from Lister, he programmed the machine to create a new human using half his DNA and half Lister's DNA. He'd leave it up to the machine to decide which lot of DNA from himself and Lister it was going to use to make up the half. He didn't even choose a gender.

Two of his brothers and his all his cousins had been designer babies. He hadn't been which his mother always liked to remind him and neither had his eldest brother John. His mother also like to remind him every chance he got that he should be more like John who ended up so perfect despite not being a designer baby.

Rimer relaxed, he read, he went from swims and walks. It was enjoyable swimming in the lake, with no one to push him under and try to drown him. There were no parent or swimming instructors comparing how his three older brothers were all better at swimming than he was, especially Howard who had always been athletic. He didn't go past where he could stand since he'd lost strength in his left side and never been a strong swimmer to begin with.

His walks never took him too far from the escape pod in case he suffered from another stroke. He tried not to dwell on his stroke; he needed to relax to reduce his risk of another one.

Rimmer stocked up on fresh fruit and vegetables for when went back to Starbug. He spent his day keeping the area around the escape pod and the lake tidy. He talked to the animals on a regular basis. He collected eggs and caught fish for meals. He wasn't game enough to kill other animals for meat, even the chickens.

 

It was six weeks after he'd set the cloning machine to create the baby that it started beeping with an error. Rimmer's heart deflated as he walked over to the machine.

"I can't do anything right, not even this," Rimmer was close to tears as he walked over to see what was wrong.

Tapping through the different screens he was surprised to see that it was warning him of two separate lives. Two heartbeats. He pulled up the image of what was in the small pod. It was two babies in the process of splitting. He stumbled back in surprise and fell on the ground and started laughing.

Lister's twin boys, Jim and Bexley, from the future echoes! They'd always wondered how they would get two children without a woman. Many years ago, they had ended up in a reverse gender universe. Rimmer had slept with Lister's female opposite Deb. Lister had slept with his female opposite Arlene. Lister and Arlene had both used protection. He and Deb had not after discovering it was the opposite gender who carried the baby in each dimension. Due to the different dimension rules they didn't know about at the time, Rimmer had ended up pregnant. His body was not able to cope with the hormone imbalance and the babies had aged at a faster rate than normal putting even more strain on his body. He'd miscarried at the equivalent of five months. Twin girls, conjoined. It had brought him and Lister closer and was another mental scar from which he'd never fully recovered.

"Jim, Bexley," Rimmer said to the pod. "I'm glad that I finally get to meet you both in a few months. I guess I don't get to be your dad after all, that honour goes to Dave Lister, your father, though I may put my last name on your birth certificates just to upset him. I wonder what you will call me since I won't be your dad. We can work that out later."

That night he spoke into the radio link for the first time in a long while to Lister, hoping that wherever he was, his friend would hear him.

 

The months went on and it became apparent that Lister was not going to turn up before the twins were due to come out of the pod. He'd been ready to raise one child on his own, but not two. Before the birth of the children, he started getting ready to place himself and the twins into stasis in the hopes that one day Lister would come and free them all from it.

All too soon the day came. He released the twins from the pod, dressing them in clothes he'd made in preparation for their arrival. He lay down in the stasis pod which he'd also been using as his bed for the past several months. He could feel the panic setting in. What happens if Lister didn't turn up, what happened if he never came out of stasis. Would he and the twins spend the rest of eternity in that state? Before the field fully activated he could feel the beginnings of another stroke and his vision blacked.

 

"Wow," Lister said after Rimmer had told his story. "So you had no idea that the twins would be the baby that you created."

"I didn't even give it a thought. I just didn't want to be alone if you had abandoned me or died. I had no idea what happened." Rimmer smiled. "I hope that you don't mind. I wasn't sure how long I would be in stasis or if you'd ever find me. If it was longer than I thought, the cloning machine might not even be there when I woke up."

"You made the right decision. You'd gone through a time hole while you were unconscious. The time delay was six hundred years. You should see outside, I bet it looks very different than when you went into stasis. It's a jungle outside."

Rimmer went to stand up.

"No, not yet," Lister held his hand blocking Rimmer from getting up. "You suffered a major stroke," Lister told Rimmer, hoping that this wouldn't set the other man off into a panic attack and potentially causing another stroke. The last thing Lister needed was to lose him so close to finding him again.

Rimmer lay back down on the bed in the medi-lab.

"I know I'd had another stroke," Rimmer sighed. "Two. I'm not even forty yet. Close to forty but not yet forty. I eat healthily, I exercise on a regular basis, I don't smoke, I don't drink excessively and yet I've had two strokes already. My father had several strokes, but the first was when he was already in his late fifties. What have I done wrong?"

"Kryten said that it's nothing you did and the medi-com on the escape pod confirmed it. It's more advanced than Starbugs medi-com. You have an irregular heartbeat which is the cause of your strokes. Explains a lot of what has happened over the years with you fainting and some of what we thought were panic attacks as well," Lister explained.

"That is the last thing I need. I'm not going to live to see our sons grow up. We never did find out what happened to me in the future echoes," Rimmer told him. "I bet it's because I die while we're young. Look at you, you who smokes, drinks, doesn't exercise, only eats curries and whatever else it is you do will live well into your hundreds."

"If you do pass away, which is not going to happen for a long time, when we find the Red Dwarf, we can turn on your hologram."

"I don't want to be a hologram," said Rimmer. "I don't want to leave this planet. I don't want to travel through space anymore not knowing when we are going to get attacked by simulants, GELFs, or run into an asteroid or die of starvation or suffocation from living on Starbug and not finding what we need to survive nearby. I don't want to put our children at risk.

"I want our sons to know what it's like to live on a real planet with a real atmosphere, feel the real sun on their skin, feel real wind and rain. Not an artificial one that simulated what the sun looked like on Earth, with fake seasons.

"Did you know that I have never been on a planet with a real atmosphere for longer than two weeks at a time before I came here?" continued Rimmer. "In our home solar system that is obvious, the only planet is Earth. We never stopped on planetoids long. I've only been to Earth three times for school field trips and once to visit my grandparents when they were still alive."

Lister looked at Rimmer, seeing the real Arnold Rimmer for once and not the cowardly man who was constantly trying and failing to live up to his parents and brothers expectations. "I just assumed that you would want to go back to Earth because that is what I want. You've only ever visited. You have no attachment to Earth do you?"

"No, though I do consider myself a British citizen because that is what my parents are and my grandparents. I have dual citizenship on both Io and Earth, Britain." Rimmer took another deep breath.

"How about we don't decide right away? First we get used to being on this planet and being parents before we decide what we are going to do."

"Finding the Red Dwarf is hopeless. I do hope that one day we will find it again. I consider the Red Dwarf my home. I spent almost more time on the Red Dwarf than I did on Io," Rimmer told him. "I felt more at home on the Red Dwarf than what I did on Io."

"Get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. You need to recover as much as you can. Just to warn you, Kryten said that you will never fully recover."

"My left side has been numb since my first stroke," Rimmer told him. "I have this loose skin and muscles right here." Rimmer touched with the right hand.

"It's going to be alright," Lister replied. "We're both survivors."

 

It was a full week before Rimmer was recovered enough to leave the medi-bay. Lister was correct. Outside was very different. It looked dark and scary now instead of the clear oasis it had been originally. The lake had not changed at all in the past several years.

"I'm going to go swimming," Rimmer told Lister. "The weather is still nice out."

"Are you sure that it a good idea?" Lister asked with concern.

"It's shallow in this section," Rimmer replied. "I'm going to just sit and relax.

Lister nodded and helped Rimmer hobble over the edge of the lake, testing the water himself before he allowed Rimmer to enter. Leaving the twins on a blanket near where Rimmer was sitting. Both boys were asleep.

"The water's nice. I may join you," Lister grinned.

"Someone needs to stay with the children at all times. I don't trust either one of us to hold them in the water, plus I think they are too young. I don't trust the cows and the sheep to not eat them. Who knows, they may have evolved into cannibals during the last six hundred years."

Lister grinned and nodded, sitting next to the children. "I've seen them, they're fine. Survived rather well since they have no natural predators on the planet. Cats loving the chickens since they are not frightened of him."

"I just created bugs so the fish and the birds could survive. The sheep, and cattle, goats and horses all survive on grass and other greenery."

Lister nodded, not that he actually knew much about animals and what they needed to survive despite his dream of raising animals on Fiji.

"Rimmer, I've been thinking about what you said, about moving to the planet full time. I think I may want to stay, but not in this clearing, it's a little creepy. From space we could see that this planet has an ocean. Can we move to the beach?" Lister asked. "It's not Fiji, but I would get my dream or as close to it as I can get three million years into the future. Raise sheep and a cow and breed horses. Have my two boys at my side."

"You don't have the woman of your dreams," Rimmer pointed out.

"We time travelled and I married Kochanski. That may still happen," Lister grinned. "After all I ended up with my twin boys. Maybe when we time travel to the past you can get the girl of your dreams, McGruder."

"She is not the girl of my dreams, Lister. She is a woman I went on a date with and slept with one time. I had feelings for her for a long time, but I don't want to marry her. Those feelings have faded over the years," Rimmer admitted. "Ever since you gave me those memories of Lise Yates."

"Is there anyone you like?"

"Not really. I never really liked anyone much before either. I believe that I am one of those people that are meant to be alone forever," Rimmer replied.

"You'll never be alone again Rimmer, I'll be here as will these two." Lister pointed to the children. "Kryten will stick around, he missed you when you..."

"The beach sounds nice. Let's take Starbug out and find a new spot to build a home."


	3. Epilogue

Lister and Rimmer sat outside watching the children play in the house yard, the ocean waves crashing onto the beach down below the hill. They'd found a cave in which to park Starbug, keeping it protected from the weather. It was also close to the house in case a threat did ever find them, if they needed to use the medi-bay, or if they just wanted to go for a joyride.

Two years on and they had a nice house built from the trees nearby. It was a small family home that they'd built themselves.

Kryten found the place heaven to clean. Being close to the beach, they had sand everywhere that the sanitation droid was almost always cleaning. When he wasn't cleaning he was gardening.

Lister was trying to break in a horse and was finding it slow progress. He wanted to be able to travel further from the house than he could on foot without having to rely on Starbug.

Rimmer couldn't help as much as he wished with the house and the yard since his second stroke had caused issues with his left leg, making it difficult for him to walk any distance. He could manage to walk down the path to the beach and around the house yard on good days. However, Rimmer still contributed to the house, making the clothes and smaller furniture with his hands, along with paper to write and draw on, bringing a touch of colour, sophistication and personality to the home. He also made frames for pictures to hang on the walls. They had the means of taking photos but had no means of printing any photos out anymore.

The house didn't look like a home that was built by two space bums living in deep space. It was a smaller home than either of them had grown up in and old fashioned in the fact that the home and living area were kept separate from the kitchens and the bathroom. Rimmer wanted the risk of fire reduced to a minimum with the home.

Cat was still living in Starbug but often would sleep on top of the fridge or in the bathtub or the end of the bed when he was feeling more social.

Kryten's room was pretty much a broom cupboard. Their modest three bedroom home with a living room had a bedroom for Kryten or Cat, both of whom refused to live in that room.

Like back on Red Dwarf and Starbug, Rimmer and Lister still shared a bedroom. It had been the way they'd always done things. It was easier dealing with the two boys in the middle of the night with the whole family being in one room. The children did have a bedroom that was used to store the toys that both parents had made for them.

"I want a girl for our next one," Lister exclaimed, interrupting the peace. A daughter had never been part of his original plan for life, he'd always wanted sons until recently. Getting stuck three million years into deep space with his shift leader, an evolved cat and a cleaning robot also wasn't a part of his plan.

"I do, too," Rimmer admitted. "I always have this desire to dress the boys up in cute dresses."

"Our boys are a bit full on, I think they would destroy a dress in moments, getting it caught on everything and covered in mud." Lister laughed at the thought.

Since Rimmer had his stroke and become a father, he'd been able to push aside his father's expectations and get in touch with his likes that his parents had always discouraged. Lister knew if they did have a girl, they would have Rimmer wrapped around their little finger and he'd spoil them with dresses, dolls, and other items.

"Aren't you glad we chose to stay here instead of living on Starbug?" Rimmer asked.

"They'd drive me up the wall living in the cramped conditions on Starbug." Lister laughed, thinking of all the energy the twin boys had. "Let's go to the location we found you, Sleeping Beauty, and see if we can salvage the cloning machine."

"You boys want to see where you were born?" Rimmer called out to the children.

"Yes, da and pa." They both called up together.

The boys both ran to a parent each, one holding Lister's hand the other holding Rimmer's. Rimmer grabbed his cane, hobbling in the direction of Starbug.

 

In the two years since they had been here, the path had grown over a little bit. The boys were fascinated by the dark scary woods. They walked across to the pod, clearing out the path as they went.

"How about we clear out the escape pod and pick it up with Starbug?" Rimmer suggested.

"It is small enough to fit into the cargo hold." Lister nodded in agreement. "You stay here with the boys and secure as much of the inside as possible. I'll get the buggy."

 

"Well, sirs, the cloning machine is a little worse for wear, but it will work to a certain extent. If creating a new life form using DNA, you cannot pre-set the genetic structure. It will be a random life form just like a baby born naturally from two parents. You also cannot process anything instantaneously and will require growing at a normal rate," Kryten confirmed.

"But it will work and the baby will come out being healthy?" Lister asked.

"That is correct, Mr. Lister, sir," Kryten replied.

Both men smiled. "Looks like you two will get to be big brothers." Lister smiled at the children.

They'd created a new life on this planet. They didn't need the Earth or Red Dwarf. They just needed each other and a pleasant place to call home.

Rimmer and Lister took Jim and Bexley to a bench they'd built looking over the ocean. Sitting with the boys on their laps, they told them the story of how they came to exist and that they would be getting a brother or sister in the same way.

The boys had no clue what a sister was since they'd never seen a female before. Lister watched in amusement, not helping at all as Rimmer awkwardly tried to explain what a girl was and how girls differed from boys to the inquisitive twins.


End file.
